Going Against a Flow

"Being a Christian can feel like going against an upstream river"

My high school chemistry teacher, Mr. Tamminga, warned us every Fridays. I did not know how hard it would be until now as a college student in a secular university.

Yes, I knew that this would be a new challenge. I am excited to see how strong I will be with my faith through living in a secular community and standing for my own faith. However, I learned how tough the journey is going to be by only experiencing. Despite I was aware of its hardship of being a Christian in a secular community, I want to express the frustration and how being exposed to it has affected me.

This is my first time having an exposure to a non-Christian environment. From junior high to high school, I grew up in a Christian community but now, I am the only one. Being an only Christian is tough. Everyone goes to frat parties every weekend; they enjoy getting drunk or high by substances; they order fake ID's together; they curse and talk about inappropriate subjects; having sexes is a "cute" thing to do as a couple; morality is a piece of trash to some people, they do not care about morality.

These are not stories of random people in my campus but my friends in my floor. People I often hang out with. You may ask a question like "why do you hang out with them then?" Here is why: I do not want to narrow down people I "can be friends with." What I mean by is that Christians do not have to be friends with only Christians. We all humans are made out of God's image disregarding our religions and faith. My friends are made out of His image. God made and saw us and it was "good."

I love my friends. They are hilarious, nice, and honest but I feel something missing in my friendship with these friends; spiritual growth. Throughout the time I have spent in this campus, there were times that I sorrowed and cried out for sins that my friends commit to. I cry because it hurts. I love these people but it hurts to see them getting involved with something wrong. It is out of my control as a human. I am not saying that I am better them. I make mistakes; I get temptations; I rebel; I sin. I cannot judge and condemn others because I am a Christian. However, I learned that this would be how God would feel when His children sins in front of Him. I learned how heartbreaking it would be. I am not heartbreaking because of my friends but because of their actions and helplessness of myself. Heartbroken by them and their actions may seem identical but they are different. In the Bible, God says that He hates adultery, not the people who commits to adultery. Similar to that, my friends' involvement into drugs, alcohol, sexes, and more does not affect my love toward them, however, frustration and sadness fills up in my heart. It hurts that I even wished to feel numb eventually, which is not a right thing to wish for.

I have been suffering this tough journey by myself. I do not have any mentor or Christian friend who is available in campus. It is my goal to seek to find a group fo Christians to be lean on and accountable for each other. I am very thankful for my God's Girl Gang, my great friends from high school, who has been willing to make their time to share spiritual journeys. I miss spending my time with them in person though.

I am scared that I will get used to this moral-less, God-less society. This is a power of social pressure; even though nobody is intentionally pressuring me, I can feel its effects over me. I started to ask myself questions why I believe in God and why I am following God. Going back to the fundamental part of my faith is the only way to remind myself who I am and to not lose my faith.

Going against a flow is hard but I am still fighting for it.

1 Timothy 6:12, NIV: "Fight the good fight of the faith."